Bad Blogger!

Okay, it’s been almost a month since I last blogged.  If it makes you feel any better, my email and Facebook are nearly as neglected.  I need to get used to using the app on my phone to post little updates at least.

Right now, work is crazy.  And it’s about to get crazier.  So the transfer is complete.  I did get a raise, although it looks bigger than it really is.  It amounts to $.55.  [By no means am I complaining since that's more than I asked for.]  The work I am doing is interesting and changes constantly.  As well, when this all started, it was supposed to have one part-time person, me at full-time, and the supervisor to assist.  Well, the part-time person has been pulled away.  Now it’s down to the supervisor and I.  I am still trying to figure out how to work with her since our working styles are drastically different.  The funny thing is she wants me to work a certain way (that goes against the grain).  I have been trying, but it doesn’t actually work with the way she works.  sighs

The one thing I finally learned working with F(I think, I cannot remember this early), is that it does me no good to fight the way someone else works.  What I need to do is figure out how I can work around that person and still allow both of us to accomplish our jobs.  Sadly, others are not going to do the same for me.  Since I am going to have so much responsibility, though, I need to figure out how to work with her.

Interestingly enough, I got a call yesterday about a job offer.  It was a great position which would actually have a supervisory role.  After setting up the interview for today, I got the news about the change in staff.  I thought long and hard about it because there is a small bit of me that says, “Leave them in the lurch.  They have never gone out of their way to work with you.”  But…most of me says, “It’s unprofessional.  How are you going to show them you can do well under pressure if you change jobs when they need you most?  Do you really want to leave a company that has treated you well with such a bad impression?”

After a lot of thought, today I called and cancelled the interview.  As well, I emailed the person that I spoke with yesterday to set up the interview.  I told them I wasn’t comfortable at this time leaving my current position due to news I received.  I also told them I didn’t want to waste their time and I hoped it wouldn’t deter them from seeing me as a candidate in the future.  The gentleman I was supposed to interview with was very nice about it and didn’t seem annoyed or bothered.  He actually seemed appreciative of the call.  I am sure they get people that just don’t show up for an interview periodically.  It might have been nice for him to get some notice, at least.

So that’s the job front.

On the personal front: I am doing pretty good.  Not getting out with H nearly as often, but I do understand why.  S and I have gotten to see each other several times and last Sunday was a whole day adventure.  J and I talk on the phone and text frequently and are trying to figure out how to work in a visit.  I do have tickets to go see my mom and brother in June.  I am really looking forward to that.  I have seen my dad a few times in the last couple months, and that was nice.  Oh!  I also have plans for a barbeque on Sunday with friends.  Female friends!  I know, shocking!  I am looking forward to that.

On the physical front:  I may or may not have talked about my severe face pain/headache/migraine things (I probably did, I’m a whiner sometimes).  Well through three trips to the ER, a brain MRI, and two trips to the neurologist, I have been referred to a dentist and put on nightly muscle relaxants.  They think they might be triggered by TMJ syndrome.  Yay.  Well, actually I am happy in that the muscle relaxants seem to be working and I am sleeping great.  I am also adjusting to their sedative qualities decently and not drowsy all day.  Getting an appointment with the dentist has been a bit of an ordeal, but I am working on it.  I am going to go in for a check-up first to see how the treat me before I just start throwing TMJ around.  I know going in that I have some specific issues with my teeth.  If they start throwing a bunch of other stuff around, though…I might have to get a 2nd opinion before trusting them with the whole TMJ issue.  I have a DHMO and the doctors to choose from seem to be…lacking.  Most of them are with Castle Dental (I wouldn’t go there unless I was in so much pain…).  Obviously, this one is not, but their reviews seem to go from wonderful to horrible and nothing in between.  I know reviews tend to go that way, but this seems to be pretty extreme.  Oh, and my head seems to be just fine with my bipolar.  I have to keep an eye on things more than normal because the headache medicine can mess up my lithium levels.  Luckily, with the muscle relaxant working now, I’ve only had to take a few headache pills. 

So that’s the current update.  I’ll try to write something with real though over the weekend.

Advocating for myself

I haven’t posted in quite a while because work has been a little crazy.

The first thing is that I am still at my initial building.  I still have to change locations, it’s just going to wait until the beginning of May.  The raise idea is still in formulation, and I am still fighting for it, as is my previous boss.  I am really proud of myself for advocating for myself in this.

I also came up with a business-type plan for the structure of my job.  They were saying they wanted something, but what they were building wasn’t going to work in any way to give them what they wanted, nor what I understood the client wanted.  They wanted my experience in customer service, so I gave it to them.    I gave them the plan yesterday.  The initial response was positive.  Part of the plan was to change my hours, so I will be going to 1-10pm starting Monday.

I cannot explain to someone that hasn’t been where I am, but I am SO PROUD of myself!  I never stand up for myself at work when it comes to management.  I put my issues on the table from the beginning of this.  I have also taken the initiative to propose a solution to what will become a serious problem before it does so.

I am not demanding everything from them without returning anything.  In my plan, I am primarily responsible for the queries.  I have a secondary that covers the morning and my vacations, and I have an escalation contact in my supervisor.  Otherwise, it all falls on me.  I am willing to take the responsibility as long as I am compensated for it.

I realize the amount of stress I will be under, but this is the type of work I excel at.  There’s a reason some of the people at my medical call center job called me the asshole-whisperer.  LOL!  I could deal with a lot of doctors and patients that the others hated.  If my work environment stays supportive, then I think this could be one of the best moves for me.

Anxious and freaking out a bit.

I got some news yesterday that really did a number on me.  When I got to work, my boss told me he needed to see me in the conference room.  Since I have a lot of anxiety around situations like that, I was very uncomfortable.  I let him know I would be there as soon as I finished dealing with the situation that popped up as soon as I opened my computer.  [Don't you just love to walk in to work and have people clamoring for your attention via the phone or email immediately?]

My boss is a really good guy.  It is only due to his willingness to listen to me that allowed me to walk into the conference room calmly.  There was still a voice telling me what a failure I was in the back of my head.  I was doing a decent job of keeping it mostly quite and restrained, though.  So I sat down with him and listened as he told me they wanted to re-start one of the sections I work for.  I am currently the only person that does this job and it is only a part of my job as I do another job most of the time.

So.  They want to start this section up again and they want me to be a part of it.  Which makes sense since I am the one that has been doing it.

But.  [You knew that was coming, right?]  They want to move me back to the building I worked at before.  It’s halfway across town, but I figure I could live with it.  Then they informed me that they want it moved out of my current boss’s supervision and under a different manager.  That’s a problem for me.  Not only do I really enjoy working for my current boss who trusts me to do my job without a lot of interference, but the other manager they want in charge is one I worked for when I was still a temp worker.  I always got the feeling he hated me and/or thought I was beneath his notice.  Additionally, the person that would be the direct supervisor was my supervisor before and never supported me or backed me up.  Neither did the manager.  I had a horrible time dealing with my coworkers there and never felt like I fit in.

So my current boss (we’ll call him Y) tells me all of this.  I started shaking badly.  I was trying to hold on, but I couldn’t keep from crying at even the thought of working for these people again.  I was honestly traumatized by my time there before.  Y happens to dislike the other manager intensely for many reasons.  Although the strength of my response probably surprised him a bit, he handled it well.  After just talking me though my anxiety attack (he acted like it was nothing unusual, which really helped), he told me that I should let HR know my feelings on the situation.  Honestly, I don’t know what they will do, but I hope to talk to HR today.  Yesterday, HR was in the other building I would be moving to (ironic, don’t you think).

So I am still freaking out a bit, the shakes are still here, just not as bad, and I am such an amalgam of emotions it is hard to function.  But we shall see what happens today.  And I will make sure it takes place in a conference room so any anxiety attacks/crying jags are not public events.  I would love to do the job, especially of I could keep my present pay and get a semi-supervisory role (and the increase that comes with it.  But there is no way I could work for that manager and supervisor without serious repercussions for my mental health.  I almost had a breakdown the last time I worked with them.

And so life becomes interesting once again.

Short Post.

Just wanted to do a quick update about my neurology appointment.  To begin with, the doctor seems like a really nice guy who listens.  He did a neuro exam that I had a couple odd responses to when it came to facial responses on the right versus the left side.  He’s not horribly concerned, but he is ordering an MRI of my head.  [So I will have proof I have a brain!]

I don’t do well with MRI’s, so I always have to be medicated.  Since I don’t have anything like the screaming heebie-jeebies, I am fine in a regular MRI with the medication.  It does mean that I cannot drive myself to and from the procedure.  I am not happy about having to miss work, but I have no other option.  I am going to try and schedule it on a Friday to make the recovery easier for me.  Especially as I should be able to do it down close to my Dad and spend the night there.

So there’s the quick update.  Oh!  And just for fun, the doctor told me the reason I woke up when taking the headache/nausea med was because it *always* kicks RLS (restless legs) into high gear.  Would have been nice if someone had told me that.

I have to laugh…

My psych wanted me to have a lithium level done as well as several other blood tests.  My lithium level came back within the therapeutic range.  Yay!  My thyroid hormone, TSH, came back abnormal.

This is important for many different reasons, including appetite, weight loss/gain, fatigue, and depression.  It also can trigger muscle cramps and joint pain.  Oddly enough, I have plateaued weight-wise, but I do have all of those symptoms.  See here for more info if you are curious.

Interestingly, hypothyroidism triggers symptoms that are often misdiagnosed for psychiatric disorders.  Now, I know for a fact that I have bipolar and have been diagnose3d for years.  But this on top of it would seriously suck.  Since thyroid issues have been seen in my family before, I am very scared.  I know that my grandmother had issues, although hers was hyperactive rather than hypoactive.  Given a choice, I would rather have what she had,  she was skinny and hyperactive.  Okay, well given a choice between only those two.  Obviously I would rather have neither.  *sighs*

I have to make an appointment to see my primary to see what he wants to do.  It might just be a one-time thing and fine the next time they take the level.  I can hope, right.

I also have to see the neurologist in a week.  Can I get off this merry-go-round?

Getting sick and told to go see a neurologist.

Sorry, all. I really did mean to post more, but work got crazy. Although the overtime is welcome. That ended last week. For the last several days I have been sick. I finally ended up in the ER last night. Thankfully, one of my best friends was able to take me. I picked up a virus, but I am also dealing with headaches involving facial pain that are not caused by sinus pressure. The doc thought the symptoms of the headache were separate from the virus, so he referred me to a neurologist.  Yay. He did tell me my lithium levels were fine, but I still need to get the psych’s tests run because he might have asked for tests the ER doc didn’t.

As a side note, I have a weird allergy to paper-tape. I had two different nurses and apparently only told one. When the other nurse came in to remove my IV, she started to tape the gauze down with paper-tape when I noticed and told her I was allergic. Man, did she rip that off quick! The gauze came with the tape, though, so it was a big old mess. So I have all kind of bruising. I’m sure I’ll have to explain it when I go in for lab tests tomorrow. Lol!

This is going to be a short post.  [After the last one, y'all deserve a break.]   I’m going to try to post more frequently, so shorter posts between long ones might help with that.

I wanted to let y’all know that I appreciate the support I received after my last post.  I am trying to pull myself out of that dark place.  I did see my psych and discussed things with him.  That was good as I am having blood work done next week to make sure my lithium levels are in the right range.  He also wants me to get a light box for possible seasonal depression.  Since they are pretty darn expensive, that may have to wait a while.

I have been looking at my artwork, so I might be trying to work my way back to painting or drawing.

I did find 4 jobs to apply for, so I will try to do that later today.

I’m trying.