•February 26, 2015 • 2 Comments
I just sent my FMLA paperwork to my HR person. I kept forgetting to ask how to get it to him, so it’s been sitting in my car. I included my boss on the email out of courtesy and because he knew I was getting this paperwork filled out. It floored me however when the HR person asked my boss to scan it and send it to him in an email. My boss is not supposed to see that paperwork since it has sensitive information he doesn’t need to know. Technically, I don’t have to share *any* of this with him.
I think I am just being too sensitive about the situation, but I could definitely be wrong.
Couple that with the fact that I have been out for the last three days due to illness (we think it was a generic bug), and I’m not feeling good on multiple levels. I’m going to miss my group due to a work event tonight, too. It should be a nice event, though. I’m sad not to make my group, but I don’t want to look churlish at work. I probably won’t stay long, but I will go spend a little time there.
•February 20, 2015 • 1 Comment
Today has been frustrating, to say the least. I’m lucky in one respect. There is a credit union that works with my company, and they have been really good with my problems. I transferred money between my bank and the credit union on Monday. The money came out on Wednesday, but I still don’t have it in the Credit Union accounts. Not only that, but they have no record of the funds.
So my bank account is down to zero and my credit union account is in the negatives. The credit union manager is going to take off all the fees and permitted me to make a withdrawal on the overdrawn account to get me through the weekend. So I was able to eat lunch and have money for gas (the gas light came on when I was driving in).
Money is one of the biggest stressors for people. Whether you have a little or a lot, it often causes problems.
My plans for this weekend were to go to religious services tonight, then do a chili cook-off on Saturday. I’m definitely not doing the services, but I am contemplating not doing the cook-off, either. I was going to make chili, but I’m not sure where my finances are going to be. *sighs* I do know that I need to take care of myself more than I need to go to the cook-off with a bunch of other people around. I’m already worn out.
•February 18, 2015 • 1 Comment
I am finding myself living a version of Murphy’s Law today at work.
I am trying to talk to someone with an office less than 100 feet away from me. The first time I tried, he shut the door in my face. [He had no way of knowing I was there since he was at the completely wrong angle to see me.] The second time, his door was shut. Same with the third. This last time, his door was open, but he was on the phone. *sighs*
Of course, one of my coworkers and I talked about the other version of Murphy’s Law upon which you aren’t going to get the return phone call you have been waiting for until you are on the phone.
Now, another thing about timing. My work is participating in something called HealthyWage. It’s an interesting concept based on people forming teams to be accountable and have a chance to win money. It costs money, but currently you can win your entrance fees back if you keep 10% of your weight off for 6-9 months. I would love to do this, but the teams have to be 5 members. So far we’ve got 2…and a maybe.
I know that my clothes all fit or are too large right now, but I don’t feel quite right health-wise. Additionally, there’s help with recipes and exercise commitment when you do this. So I’m trying to figure out what to do if we can’t get a team together in time. You can do a different version as an individual.
I do have friends that have used various systems, so I’ll definitely ask them. As well, I have my paperwork to belong to a community center here at a discount. So maybe the timing for that part’s not too bad.
•February 17, 2015 • 1 Comment
Well, the past several days have seen me accomplishing more than ever, but not with the rapid speech, inability to focus, or scattered feeling. Is this “normal” for me? If it is…I’m almost never there.
Since I left work Friday, I made an appointment and got my hair cut and colored. I also made appointments/verified appointments with my therapist (individual and group), a new psychiatrist, dentist, and neurologist. This weekend, I also washed dishes (almost all of them) and baked a chicken. I was able to do some dishes, take a break, do some more dishes, etc. Normally, it’s an all or nothing proposal. As soon as I take a break, I’m done. This time it felt more comfortable. I’m wondering if the class I’m taking has something to do with it all.
Work is also going well. I am accomplishing what I need to as well as feeling like my thought processes are clearer and more logical. I’m not saying that I am the most focused person or finishing every project I have. I am able to work, take a break, work, lather, rinse, repeat. Again, different than I normally feel.
I’m trying to bank on this productivity so I can accomplish a lot of things that have just been hanging around. I know I cannot count on this feeling, but I can always hope.
And if this is “normal” for me…there’s definitely a problem with my treatment protocol.
I’m going to try to do some writing or painting tonight. We’ll see how that goes.
•February 13, 2015 • 2 Comments
I had something to write about. Of course I cannot remember what it was. *sighs* The brain part of this blog is a little sketchy sometimes. [Okay. I sooooo did not mean for that pun to be there. I didn’t even notice it until I re-read this! Of course, I’m going to leave it.]
I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately. [As usual, I know.] One thing that feels important is my level of functionality. Previously, I have been told that I am high functioning, lucky, blah blah blah. The fact that I can make it to work and do my job is a basis for the decision of how well I do or don’t function. But maybe that’s the wrong factor to look at.
I am almost completely non-functional at home. It takes an enormous amount of effort for me to accomplish minor tasks like washing dishes or doing laundry. I fully admit to being lazy and not liking to do these things, but logic tells me that I should be able to accomplish them when needed. Not wanting to do them is different than not being able to. In my mind, at least. I will look at the dishes in the kitchen and plan what I need to get done over the weekend, including cooking. I cannot tell you how much food I have wasted because I couldn’t get up and do dishes so I could cook.
That might sound like whining. That might be whining. But…
Maybe it’s not. Maybe I’m not just being lazy. When I was younger, I didn’t want to do things. I waited until the last minute. I made a mess of my priorities. But I did accomplish those things necessary. I might not have done a good job, but I got things done. Now, the only time I do laundry is when I have no clothes left. And I cannot explain how many clothes I have, even having left 1/2 or more of my wardrobe behind when I moved. The sheer volume of socks is a bit disconcerting. Now, all my dishes are dirty and I cannot get to the sink.
I don’t think this is lazy. I think this is a symptom I have been ignoring/excusing. So now what? Even thinking about this situation right now has my hands shaking. Why am I anxious just talking about this?
Maybe I’m scared because this would mean admitting that I’m really not okay.