The Vagaries of Depression


I have been out of touch for months.  There are reasons and there are excuses, but at this point I couldn’t tell you which was which.  I have been reading blogs, but not responding.  I have been functioning, but not living.

So what now?  Why am I here again?

I am going to try again.  I don’t know how successful I will be, but trying is good, right?

So first, a job update:

I have been moved back to my old job (that happened in July).  So after fewer than six months, I am back in cubicle land doing paperwork.  This is not a bad thing.  I like this job and they gave me more responsibility.   I feel a bit like a ping-pong ball, but that’s okay.  The end of October will be ugly, but at least I don’t have to worry about moving (that would be the end of the next quarter). The company got merit raises, so this is good.

I am looking for a 2nd job again, though.  My financial decisions absolutely suck lately.  Also, my brother is marrying his life partner of over 10 years in California in November.  If I want to go, I need several hundred dollars for airfare and hotel.

On that note, on to the medical update:

Another reason for the 2nd job is the need for a medical procedure most insurances (including mine apparently) consider experimental even though it has been around for quite some time.  I have to come up with the money for it up front and it is not cheap (although it’s not too bad as medical services go when you don’t have insurance).  So I need $900-$1100 dollars for that.  And if the doctor decides I need another procedure, I will  need it again.  I need to contact my insurance (dealing with bureaucracy is difficult at the best of times…these aren’t those) and find out what they might require to approve the procedure.  If they say no, nothing will change, but if they say yes…

BTW, for those that are curious, the procedure is called prolotherapy with PRP (Platelet-Rich Plasma Therapy/Injections).  This for the back pain I have ad for years.  They have never found actual nerve or bone involvement past a very slight narrowing of my cervical spine.  I have always been told it is a problem with the soft tissue (muscles, tendons, etc.) and been put in physical therapy (PT).  The problem is, PT doesn’t work in the long run for me.  Granted, some of that is my own fault for not continuing the exercises faithfully.  Fact of the matter is that even with the exercises, the pain comes back.  My doctor for this was able to show me via ultrasound how the muscles on the left side of my body ran in fairly strain lines like a river or ocean.  The right side?  Not so much.  It looked like a particularly turbulent ocean with almost no straight-ish lines to be seen.  Muscle fibers should at least approach straight.  So there’s that.

The facial pain/migraines are doing slightly better.  I’m not really sure if they are getting better or I am getting used to the pain.  My neurologist has me on a muscle relaxant at night that helps and I see a dentist next week.  I do feel like I have been clenching my teeth or moving my jaw oddly when I am stressed.  I am not looking forward to the appointment because I am 99% sure they are going to tell me I have gum disease.  When meds give you serious dry mouth and bipolar depression strikes hard and you fail to brush your teeth repeatedly, that’s what tends to happen.  My mom has also been very prone to it, although the dry mouth for her was seriously compounded by smoking.  Regardless, that isn’t something I really want to deal with, but am going to have to.  Yet another reason for a 2nd job.

Okay, I think this is enough of an update right now.  I will try to get the mental health update written soon.


~ by theartistryofthebipolarbrain on September 15, 2013.

One Response to “The Vagaries of Depression”

  1. Life is anything but easy… grit is grist for the grrrl.

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