Worry and racing thoughts

I got some unhappy news tonight. Tomorrow, today now, my dad is going into the hospital to have a stent put in. Logically, I know this is a routine procedure. I know he’s only having one placed, which is safer. But I can’t help worrying.

I found out at work and couldn’t focus worth anything for the rest of my shift. I did ask for the day off since I know I’ll be useless. And I’m lucky the procedure is being done at the Heart Hospital of Austin, one of the best places in the state for anything cardiac. I’ll be able to be with him before and after. Yet I worry.

The weird thing is that I can’t get my brain to shut down for sleeping, but I’m not just thinking about the surgery. I jump from that to how and when I’ll finish his Father’s Day gift, when I’ll find time to do laundry, whether to call my mom and let her know (she was married to him for almost 30 years), what I want to draw/paint next, being irritated that I left the pictures I printed at work on the printer…and on and on.

I’m sure you get the idea. Although half the thoughts have nothing to do with my dad and the surgery, I think my anxiety is making my brain over-rev and throw all my thoughts at me all at once.

So, to me, it seems like perfectly justifiable anxiety is affecting my brain chemistry pretty negatively. 😦

That’s not a thought to make me happy or less anxious.

~ by theartistryofthebipolarbrain on June 8, 2012.