Shaking hands and beating heart.

I have been missing in action this week.  Granted, I know I warned you, but I didn’t really expect to be quite this absent. 

All of it was worth it for this moment right here, though: with shaking hands and held breath, I clicked on the submit button.  The short story I have been working on for the last two to three weeks (especially this week) has been submitted for publishing. 

I know it’s a good story.  Even if I don’t get published this time, I know I’m a good writer.  But it took three minutes for me to finally hit the submit button.  Even now, several minutes later, I am still shaking.  And it’s not all the lithium.  Or the sugar from the half a cheesecake I bought myself as a reward.  [Btw, for those who are curious, it’s only one slice of cheesecake from The Golden Wok.  But it weighs 3/4 of a lb.!]

I have heard people talk about a manuscript as though it’s their child.  I am certainly not that attached to my stories.  I have no problems ripping them to shreds and starting over.  My fear is that they will read what I wrote and see it as completely worthless.  If they accept it, I expect to do a lot of changing and editing.  That’s how you improve a story.  But if al they do is say no, how do I figure out how to make it better?  It’s not so much someone saying I don’t have any skill, as I know I have that.  To me, it’s more like, “You’re not even good enough to bebrought up to decent.”  That might sound odd to others.  I think what I am trying to say is that I don’t expect to be all that good right out of the gate.  I expect to do a lot of editing.  But if they reject the manuscript entirely, I have no way of knowing how to change it to make it better. 

My mother taught me from a very young age that you can only get better if someone tells/shows you how.  If they don’t tell me how to get better, how am I supposed to?  And yes, I know that I am reading way too much into a single submission that I have no idea if they will accept or reject.  But this is how my mind works.  I am hoping that throwing all this out here will keep it from wrapping around my brain and squeezing until all of my ideas fall out my ears and I feel like a barren desert when I start typing the next story.

I do have to say a big thank you to my best friends and my family for being so supportive about all of this!  And thank all of you for your patience while I was MIA.  So…yeah.  That’s where I’ve been/where I’m at.  Hopefully I’ll be posting tomorrow about the concept of strength.


~ by theartistryofthebipolarbrain on May 11, 2012.

9 Responses to “Shaking hands and beating heart.”

  1. From what I’ve seen from others, Silver doesn’t usually flat out reject without telling you why. And what I know from talking to the acquisitions editor is that she’s a damn nice lady with a freaking ton of patience (I know should know, I’m sure I drove her nuts). I like the story, others will like it too.

  2. You know, I wanted to ask you about that last night but I figured you would say it when you had published it. I’m so excited for you!!! I wish I could be at that point with someting lol. I have never publish anything but I know enough to realize that it is really hard to get things published the frist try. But aren’t a lot of publishers willing to give you some kind of idea of what they think is missing or that could be changed to their liking wihe they contact you, if they are interested in it but want you to tweek it a bit? Geez I don’t know lol anyway Godd luck girl

    • Well, from what I understand, most publishers do give you at least an idea. My writing partner, Ms. Caitlin Ricci, is publishing through the same people I submitted to. She’s half the reason I had the courage to step out on this ledge. The other half being my other friends and my family supporting me for years. Now it’s out of my hands and up to fate. In the meantime, I’ve started working on the next story in the series. 🙂

      • wow, you go girl! I think you will do well with the pubishers. I haven’t read any of your professional work but your blogs are interesting!

  3. Well I think it’s amazing that you are getting out there and getting published even once!! Well done!

  4. Good article. Hope you get your story published. BTW, your mother wasn’t the only person who ever gave you good advice.


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