Whining at the door.

Most of you have seen it at least once or twice.  A stray dog or puppy follows someone (or you) to their car are home.  When the person either gets in the care or goes into the home, he or she sits down and starts whining.  All this little critter wants is to be let in, fed, and loved.

I so empathize with that dog or puppy!  I often feel like I am on the outside of society/normalcy/everyone else looking in at their happy lives.  Granted, I understand that others have issues that I will never see.  But…they interact with others in a way that I feel like I never will.  That comfort when around others is very hard for me to comprehend.  I am sure there are others that feel out of place like I do, but…that’s not how I feel.  [Yes, this is a bit of a selfish thought process, but it’s mine, so there.]  I mean, let’s be honest, when interacting with others, my feelings and perceptions will always be “the truth” to me.  Shoot, when interacting with myself, my feelings and perceptions are my truth.

So I feel like that puppy, whining at the door of what I see as great possibilities.  Hell, for all I know, the life on the other side of the door might just be all about abuse, starvation, and cruelty.  But, I still want to know what is on the other side of the door, because I perceive it to be better than where I am right now.  When that door is slammed in my face, I feel like I will never belong.  The trauma of feeling like everyone hates you simply for being you is nearly crippling.

I think that is why many of us with mental/mood disorders feel so isolated.  We feel like we are on the outside of society and will never be let in because there’s something wrong with us.  Not only are we that needy puppy, but we have fleas, or mange, a bad leg, etc.  Everyone can see from the outside what is wrong with us since we can.  That’s not true, but it is our perception.

I do think that is where some of the stigma about mental illness comes from.  Yes, much of it comes from others judging us, but a certain amount comes from us judging ourselves.  So we need to change our thinking.  We might feel like that puppy on the outside, but walk across the street to the dog park, and there are lots of people like us to play with.  We’ll learn that we aren’t broken, just different from those people on the other side of the door.


~ by theartistryofthebipolarbrain on April 12, 2012.

6 Responses to “Whining at the door.”

  1. Oh I feel like this. That is why I don’t socialize. I had to hang out with family today and put up with everybody saying “whats wrong Carla? why are you sitting in there?” I don’t like to sit in crowded rooms with a lot of people talking. I can’t explain that to my hillbilly relatives. They would never get it. I certainly wouldn’t fit in in a group of strangers. Yes I think it’s partly us feeling that we are different just because we are. But it is still mostly people that don’t have a clue what a mental illness entails watching and thinking soemthing we say or do is weird. But I say let’s be ourselves until the world has to accept us. I’m not drunk, trust me lol.

    • I do think we have the right to be ourselves. But we cannot isolate ourselves from others under the assumption that they will not accept us, either. Please note that I didn’t say understand. But even when we don’t understand someone, we can accept them. BTW, there are times when “normal” people do weird stuff. 😉

  2. Brilliantly put. I have nothing of interest to add, other than “that’s meeee toooo” in an over-excited voice! I know that this would apply to me even without the social phobia, simply because I Think Too Much, and I can’t tell you just how comforting it is to see it acknowledged in print. Very well explained. And with that, I’ll shut up 🙂

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