Therapy can wander down some very strange roads…

So I saw my therapist today.  I know, shocking!  So here I am sitting with my therapist and talking about my week and stuff.  I brought up the whole privacy issue that I blogged about yesterday.  She did have some interesting things to add to my thinking.  That wasn’t the important art of the conversation, though.

She asked me what would happen to all of these accounts if I were not around anymore.  And I do need to take care of that.  Somewhere, I need to store all my email accounts with passwords, a list of all my aliases and how they are used, along with every online account I have and those passwords as well.  I am not talking about a few accounts and passwords, either.  So let’s see, off the top of my head, here’s what I can think of:  bank, Amazon, B&N, at least 7 or 8 publishers or book seller sites, at least 5 direct store sites, electricity, car insurance, health insurance.  That’s only the sites I could think of in 5 minutes or so.  I know there are more than that.  Since I seriously doubt that my mom or brother would know someone that can break into my laptop (also password protected), they would have issues coming up with all of this.  And I didn’t even add in all three of my emails and wordpress or facebook.

So, low estimates put it at 25 online accounts that will need to be closed out and notices put out on wordpress, facebook, and G+ (oops, forgot that one, too).  That is a lot to deal with as the person left behind when the worst happens.  And that isn’t even dealing with money and debt!  I certainly don’t (in the far distant future) want to leave that disaster for someone else to clean up.  I also don’t want people that I have an online relationship with to think I am just not talking to them.  I want to make sure that the people that know me online are notified, not because I want them to feel bad, but because I would never want another to wonder and worry about me. 

All of this got me thinking about who I want to deal with everything that will be involved.  I know many people want family members to take care of things for them.  I don’t.  Not because I don’t trust my family, but because I have seen families torn apart when people disagree on certain aspects.  Granted, I need to get it together and actually make sure everything is down on paper, but even then, I don’t want to cause the friction. 

There’s also the idea that this person is going to be able to see everything I do on the net.  Although I am open with my famiy, I don’t think they need to know quite that much.  So who do I trust with this information.  I wouldn’t be embarrassed to open my computer to any of my best friends because I know they are all very nonjudgemental.  But putting them in the position of cleaning up after me when they will already be hurting is cruel in my eyes (another reason to leave family out of it as well). 

So who would I want to do such a private and personal thing?  Who would I trust to go through my finances, read everything I write and think, clean and close out my apartment, and follow my wishes?  How do we make this decision?

How do I make this decision?  Obviously, a lawyer would be an impartial third party, but I have no idea how that works.  If I have to pay them the whole time, never going to happen.  There are only two other people that I can think of, and they are both, for lack of a better term, in-laws.  I’m not saying much more than that because that gives a little too much information about others.  But these two people I am friendly with, honestly I am pretty close to them.  But they would be able to function if I were not here.  Neither of them are judgemental except to giggle a bit because they are surprised. 

But, how do I know they are the right person to trust?  Can I really trust one person to see that much of me?  What if I am in a relationship with someone?  Do I have to trust them with all of this?  If I don’t feel comfortable trusting them with all of this, should I even try to have a relationship with them?  Yes, I know, that I can’t trust someone at first meeting, but how do I know when to tell which “secrets”.  One of my best friends even asked me that.  She asked me when I would tell a guy I am interested in about her crazy self, being bipolar, and giving out the address for this blog.  So not only is the question as to whether you trust a person, but what information you trust them with.

And in a new relationship, how do you give the information out in such a way that you don’t scare someone off by telling them the awkward and hard things too soon?  How do you give it out at the right time so you don’t alienate the new person by not telling them anything too personal.  How do you walk that tightrope?  And since it’s different for every person and every relationship, how in the world are we supposed to know?  Honestly, the fact that we function as a society floors me when I really think about it.  And sexual reproduction…truly beyond me sometimes.

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~ by theartistryofthebipolarbrain on April 3, 2012.

23 Responses to “Therapy can wander down some very strange roads…”

  1. First off, you need a living will. You’ve needed one. Everyone does. They’re $69 from legalzoom.com. There will be info in there for the people after you’re gone.

    Secondly- when you die and everything is left- does it matter? Your life insurance will cover most if not all of your bills. someone in your family will pull out the hard drive of your laptop and then recycle it or use it themselves. I know its hard to be that open with people but most of us have trails of online lives that are gone and forgotten and if you’re dead then it only hurts the people that are still here. So it doesn’t really matter in the long run.

    And then just wanted to say- I can take care of it if you want. Unfortunately we don’t come with automatic shut off buttons that shut down everything for us.

    I’m not trying to be mean and you know that you can tell me if I am. I’m in a kind of funky mood so… Hugs!

    • I agree. I do need both a will and a living will. As for taking care of things, I have this thought that you will be a little too upset to take care of things. 😉 And you happen to know one of those “in-laws” I mentioned.

      • I will be upset but I’m also highly practical when under stress and you forget- I’ve done hospice for years. I know the process. This is assuming you die of old age or after a long sickness and don’t die in an accident or by natural disaster.

        How about we get off the idea of you dying?

      • Well, if you notice, I went from the subject of the worst to the whole trust issue. Which I have in spades. *snicker* I can’t help it if you keep going back to the first part. 😉

      • Oh, and about wills and living wills- you need to be thinking about what you want to go through, what you’ll put up with and what you want after you die. And if you haven’t already signed up for being a donor or not a donor then you need to figure that out asap for the omg holy crap moment.

      • I am a donor, as a matter of fact, but I need to verify information on the because of some travel when I was a kid.
        And I know the rest, just need to write it all down. 🙂

  2. This is something that I need to give significantly more thought to as well. Your comment of those online friends who you’ve made will be unaware of you situation is so true. One of my biggest concerns when it comes to my online life, is that those friends who I’ve met online will not know of my passing. I would hate for them to be hurt by my sudden non-responsive ways. I’ve heard of websites that you can visit that allow you to write out a letter of some sort and list a bunch of email addresses for friends you know online. You must log into this account every so often so that it resets the clock, but after so much time has passed without you’re logging in, the system kicks into gear. It will think you’ve died, and it will then send that letter out to all of those people whom you’ve listed. I’ve thought of doing that, but I’m so worried that I’ll forget to log in and, well… the result would be bad.

    One thing I do need for sure is a living will like Erica said above. I have never thought that I need one since I don’t own anything of value, but after reading this post, I’m starting to realize that a will could help clear up non-material parts of my life. Parts of my life that are way more important than any possible material possessions.

    Thanks for sharing this!

    • I’m with you, I would forget about the account and the email would go out and freak out my friends and family.

      Part of the reason to have both a will and a living will is to make sure that people follow your wishes when you cannot state them. I have medical conditions that could cause long-term problems. That coupled with plain old age could cause me to be in the hospital for many different reasons. There’s also a straight-up accident. If I cannot spell out my own wishes, someone should know what they are. Not only should they know them, they should be spelled out legally so you don’t get people arguing when their emotions and fears are at their highest. You can cause permanent damage to friendships and families that way.

      Of course I say that, but I don’t carry the paper that lists all medications, current physicians, and emergency contact and I should. I do carry my meds in my purse, though. 🙂 I will have to type it up and print it out tomorrow.

      • That’s really good to know! Thank you for explaining that. So, there is a difference between a will and living will. I guess we learn something new everyday. 🙂 I need to read up more on them both and figure stuff out, ’cause I would hate for the relationships of my loved ones to be strained in the event of my inability to make my own decisions. And, as I sit here, I can totally see that happening. That would be awful. And, as for the regular will, in the event of my passing, I would like people to be notified that would otherwise be hurt by my sudden absence. This gives me a lot to think about now.

  3. Aside from long-term planning…

    Get a password management software program. When I started using one, it automatically imported 121 logins from Firefox. 121!!!

    Then you can just leave the one password for the software for someone, instead of a list of whatever ones you can think of.

  4. As morbid as this whole vein is, I couldn’t help but 1) wonder what sort of kinky weirdo porn you’ve been creeping on and 2) how little I care about what the living will think of my incredibly disturbing Google search history when I’m dead.
    Now, by coincidence alone, I’m forced to add 3) the song that popped up when I was writing this response (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY) could be forcibly fit into a discussion about post-mortem considerations of our friends, family, and loved ones.

    Given that I got teh gays and live in Middle America, there could be any number of concerns related to my possessions upon the occasion of my ultimate demise. As you might imagine, however, I don’t care. Let the living deal with that. I’ll be graciously feeding the worms and have no time for terrestrial concerns.

    • LMAO! I think I like your thoughts considering you are one of the two “brothers-in-law” I was thinking of. I am sure it would be a grand party with you in charge! Just remember that I want a wake, not a funeral. Drag queens, neon clothing and black light are definitely on the table as options. 😉

      And I like that song! I did before I saw the video, but that makes it ten times better.

      And although I took your points out of order, I actually think you might just like my porn collection. 😉

  5. Well, I hope it never happeneds because I consider you one of my online friends. But if God forbid, it happeneds I hope someone will let us bloggers know 😦

  6. It’s not an if, but a when. People die. Everything dies. Matter changes forms and goes on to become something else.

    And you’re right about living vs non-living wills. But I should know since I told you : P.

    Also, if you’re going to pick a person to handle all of your after death stuff here’s some personal traits to look at-
    organization, practicality, frugality, history dealing with death and emotional closeness to you

    which is why a lot of people choose their lawyers since they are generally impartial and efficient and can set it up for you.

    but it makes choosing friends kind of interesting when you’re thinking about whether or not you’d let that person plan your funeral after you’re gone. or hell, you could just have a living funeral too so that you can enjoy it all before you go.

  7. Oh, and side note, I just watched the legalzoom.com commercial again, livings are $39 and wills are $69.

    If you don’t have living at the very least you need a notarized piece of paper that is given to multiple people that says in case of x i want a, b, c but not d. You keep the original, they get copies. Update it as you feel free to but the basics should include what organs you want to donate, what life support methods you are okay with and how long you want to be kept on them.

    No one wants to think about the ickyness of it all but it helps everyone out of making that decision for you in the end when you’ve already spelled it out for them and since it then becomes a binding document they can’t really go against your wishes. Well, they can, but you’ll have multiple other people telling them off.

    And drag queens at your wake sounds awesome. We’re going to have to go to Pride Fest here one year. There are some gorgeous people there that can pull off a dress and heels so much better than I can and although I’m jealous, it’s more power too them. And then I can break out the glitter and fairy wings I’ve been coveting too.

  8. Hi there!!

    I was thinking that a safe deposit box could come in handy to put all of that information in?

    Take care, HeatherInTX :O)

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