Connection, or lack thereof.

I’m laying here thinking about random stuff (because really, the randomness of my brain cannot be emphasized enough), when I realize that I haven’t spoken with my dad since before I got the new phone. I have texted one of my best friends over 500 times, but I haven’t taken the time to add his number to this phone and call him. I began to feel guilty.

After thinking a little more, I stopped feeling guilty because, as much as I hadn’t called my dad, he didn’t call either. I’ve mentioned before that he and I don’t have the best relationship. As far back as I can remember, he and I never really connected. No matter how hard I tried.

More recently, he has seemed to make an effort to connect with me. I wonder if he is feeling his mortality and that is what’s changed or something else. It doesn’t really matter why anyway. It’s nice to work toward that connection when we haven’t had it in years, if ever.

So look around at your connections. Do they need repair? Removal? A good dusting off? Maybe spend a little time figuring that out.

I have decided that my connection with my dad needs work, from both ends. I have done the repairs and upkeep necessary from this end with my brother and his partner, so I’m waiting on them. My connection with my mom is doing okay right now. My writing partner and I did a lot of work on our connection today, so it’s great. My other two best friends need me to work on our connection and strengthening it. I am going to try to remember to make phone calls tomorrow.

When I was doing all of this “looking around ” I also saw places in my…heart, mind, soul, whatever you want to call it, that seem to be open for new connections. So maybe this is the right time for me to be trying to find new friends.

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~ by theartistryofthebipolarbrain on April 1, 2012.

15 Responses to “Connection, or lack thereof.”

  1. Well said. It’s a very important point to make… and has reminded me of my own laziness with some friendships which I can’t avoid dealing with any longer… so thank you for putting it in print!

    • Thanks! It can be very difficult to maintain friendships and other relationships, especially when we are bipolar or have other disorders, be they mental or physical, that put pressure on those connections. So maintenance is key for a lot of us, whether it be a quick phone call, a lunch date, or a long conversation via text message. As hard as it may be for those with few to no connections (granted, I am thankful for those I have now, but I didn’t always have them), severing some of those connections sometimes becomes necessary.

      Good luck with the relationships and connections you need to deal with!

  2. that is great. Maybe your new connection will be a man lol

    • It’s possible, considering earlier posts. The funny thing is that my thoughts on this subject came up as I was debating sleep, and had already locked the computer down for the night. I typed this whole post into my phone (not an easy feat). As I said, I’d had a pretty intense conversation/set of conversations with one of my best friends and I wanted to share some things that were coming to me at the time. I didn’t even think about the guy aspect until I was about to fall asleep. *lol*

  3. It was good connecting too. I was scared but it felt good after it was done. hugs.

    • *huggles*
      It was scary, and hard, but worth it because you and me are even stronger now.

      • Yep. Absolutely stronger. And we were already stronger because we could talk about it and chose too rather than letting issues come between us and eventually break apart the relationship we’ve worked to build and maintain. In essence… WE ROCK. Much hugs!

  4. *holds up his end of the connection* hrmm, how do I get it your direction again? *hugs* You’re doing fine for me, dearest Shoshi.

  5. All the best with those connections.

    I’m the opposite. I’m connecting less with my father. I need too. For me. Family is at the root of most of my stress. If I don’t step back, step away, I’ll never live my own life but instead always be sorting their lives. I keep telling myself it is not to late.

    • Sadly, there are times when connections need to be severed. Whether family or friends, some people aren’t healthy for us. If your family or friends are harmful to your health, then take pride in recognizing your own needs and cut those ties.

      I will also say that my connections to some people ebb and flow, rather than being strong, equal partnerships.

      Good luck with all your connections! Hugs!

  6. Very true. I am remiss in contacting you. The reasons are valid, but not rally germane. Yes, I have to feed the critters every morning, i.e. two dogs, one cat, 20 something chickens, and 8 Guineafowl. but that leaves a sizeable chunk of the day to call. Notwithstanding the ever present outside “farm work” and my job with HRB, there is still time. It’s sort of how life often gets in the way while we’re trying to get something else (like making a phone call to you) done.

    Anyway, I’ll try to do better.

    Dad

    • I can’t say that I am any better. I know that part of the reason you don’t call is because my schedule is pretty odd with me being on 2nd shift. Fact of the matter is, I haven’t called you, either. Maybe I will take time on my lunch to make sure I do that. Or at least put your numbers into my new phone. 🙂 Of course, if W is around and available to talk to, probably will wait until tomorrow. 😉 I will do my best to call you tomorrow, though. You and I haven’t spent nearly enough time together recently. And I want to see the pets!

      But life does get in the way sometimes. Or at least we let it. *hugs*

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