Feeling Secrets

I am not really sure why, but I felt like writing tonight.  I also am not really sure why I am still awake as I don’t feel hypomanic.  I feel more contemplative that is usually possible in an up state.  Since I have had issues with insomnia for years, it might just be that I cannot sleep.  I thought I would share this poem with y’all.  I wrote it tonight based on how it feels when we tell someone an important secret about ourselves and they reject us on some level.  We could be talking about telling someone about a mental illness, physical illness, sexual identity, or even that we want to do something with our lives the other person doesn’t understand.  Please tell me what you think of it and how it makes you feel.

Feeling Secrets

the spoken word the body’s speech
movements triggers tells a story my story your story
in blood sweat tears of the moon pearls of wisdom
and sadness no sow’s ear here just wallowing
in mud no clarity just depth and darkness
dirty dirty little one
did no one tell you that you are wrong
to feel to hurt to laugh to sigh
no telling no telling keep your secrets
no one wants them they have their own
no sharing needs or wants
it’s all your fault you told you told
you have to be punished you have to be hurt
but you can’t tell because no one cares
magpies mimic but they don’t know the tune
the tunes of your heartstrings are silenced
by the deafness of apathy
but apathy is better than pain anger hatred
one sentence word thought
and the mirage fades the burning sands become clear
the iciest tundra could never be so cold
as dismissal denial refusal to see reality
it’s all your fault you told you told.

 

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~ by theartistryofthebipolarbrain on March 4, 2012.

6 Responses to “Feeling Secrets”

  1. that is really good

  2. I’m glad that you got some writing done and hopefully you managed to actually get some good, solid sleep as well. I like this poem a lot and it reminded me of those times when I’ve shared something deeply important to me and have been met with barely a shrug as if my secrets are the most boring thing in existence. It’s truly hurtful and aggravating.

  3. It’s beautiful.

    Here’s hoping you can sleep tomorrow 🙂

    • Sadly, I went to sleep about the time you wrote this post and am now awake due to pain and restless leg syndrome. I am going to take something for the pain and try to go back to sleep. I just need a snack so my tummy doesn’t get upset. Thanks for caring.

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