Well…As long as we are talking relationships…

She says this is about her husband, but I feel this is the best description of trying to be in a relationship with someone who is bipolar.

Idina Menzel’s I Feel Everything

Now, I haven’t been in a lot of relationships, but I have felt everything she is talking about the partner doing.

I have been single for over 5 years and celibate for the majority of that.  For the most part, I am okay with that.  Since sex has been such a weapon in my life, I figure I should probably be on my own for a while.  When I have been in a relationship in the past, I have done some pretty horrible things to my partner.  I have been cold in relation to someone that wanted to be close to me.  I have cheated for no reason, not even attraction.  Every time I have started to get closer to someone, I have pushed them away. 

I have to wonder how much of the disasters that constitute my past relationships were due to my negative thinking and how much was due to my own feelings of worthlessness.  I look back and I can see certain things were obviously bipolar behaviors.  Cheating on the people I dated, sometimes at a party they were also at, was definitely a hypomanic symptom.  Generally, even talking to them in the first case was a factor of the bipolar.  Really, the only time I actually talk to new people voluntarily is when I am hypomanic.  And when I am depressed, I just don’t care.  I stop answering phone calls, isolate, and the like.  How many times were friendships or relationships destroyed by these behaviors?

How do you feel about having relationships when bipolar?  Have you had happy ones?  Are you still looking?  Although I am not actively looking, I won’t deny love if it walks into my life…I think.

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~ by theartistryofthebipolarbrain on February 14, 2012.

5 Responses to “Well…As long as we are talking relationships…”

  1. It’s hard for me to mesh the person that you are now with the person that you were back then since I either didn’t know that person or wasn’t aware of your destructive behaviors at the time. Here’s what I believe though- you are a strong, capable, kick-butt type of a woman who knows herself much better now than you did then. I think that given the right safe, productive and nurturing environment you could really find a good, healthy relationship. That way you would have a harder time hiding with me riding your butt. You know I don’t scare easily so unless you’re absolutely serious and me being obnoxious would ruin our friendship I would keep bugging you if you were depressed. Maybe it would work. Maybe it wouldn’t. I’d try a few times though to make sure either way though. I think I’m rambling off on a tangent here so back on topic!

    Would dating someone that had bi-polar make it easier since they would have an idea of what you were going through? Or would dating someone with the same disorder make it worse? I know typically people say not to date someone in group but…. *shrug* It would make meeting people easier but it might exponentially increase issues for you both.

    • The last time I dated someone that was bipolar, it did not go well. I think the best thing (you know, if I had my wish and all) would be finding someone who has a close relative who is bipolar. Honestly, as long as the person is willing to learn, I think I would be okay if I was stable. But we shall have to see what happens.

  2. I was in a relationship with another bipolar for five years. It nearly destroyed both of us. When we were cycling together, which happened often, the highs were unbelievably great, the sex fantastic, everything was wonderful (except that he liquidated all of his property to buy me diamonds). The lows were of the suicidal kind. Neither of us did anything, but the crashing depressions brought us both to the brink. I was hospitalized twice. Still, I have never loved anyone so much. I have been alone for seven years now, and although I am theoretically open to a new relationship, I don’t let people come near enough for the process to get started. If I were to be with another bipolar again, it would have to be someone who is really committed to managing their illness.

    • The one time that I have been in a relationship with another bipolar person, we were both depressed and it was a very bad situation. Additionally, I was working to get stable while he was not. I was only with him for 5-6 months before I started freezing him out and broke things off.
      I cannot imagine how hard it would be to fall in love with someone similar to myself. I do hope that you find what you want in life.

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