Bad Girl!

Okay…I didn’t post yesterday.  Probably because , in my exhaustion-fueled confusion, I thought my Sunday post was my Monday post.  Ah well.

I am a little irritated right now.  My own memory issues are causing me more financial problems and it makes me so mad at myself.  I know that the feeling is unproductive as anything, but it doesn’t seem to help me get past it.  I hate the fact that, through my own forgetfulness, I cause myself a whole slew of complications that would go away if I would just remember to do things.

Before the suggestions of to-do lists come flying toward me, I can tell you they are a problem for me.  I get so intimidated by the thought of having to do A, B, C, D, and E that I often end up doing none of them.  I might be able to get things done if I can keep the list to only three items.  It’s actually when I have more than three that it starts freaking me out.  But when was the last time you only had three things to accomplish in a day?  And that is if I can remember what three items I need to do.  Maybe I just need to use post-its or call it something other than a to-do list.  Even the name is intimidating to me.

And to some, that might sound pretty stupid.  It is the truth for me, though.  Maybe it comes from my parents giving me to-do lists as a child and getting in trouble for not completing them as well as they liked.  So why do it at all if I am just going to get in trouble anyway?  Huh.  That might actually have a grain of truth buried in it.  I remember as a kid cleaning the kitchen that my Mom would come in and list all of the ways I had done it wrong rather than telling me that I did a good job by completing my chores.  I hadn’t actually made that connection.

I was always better at assignments.  Maybe I should make them assignments.  Then they could each have a due date.  I might procrastinate until the last minute, but I almost always got my assignments done.  If I won the lottery, I think I would become a professional student.  I always liked learning.  My bipolar disorder may have interfered with me graduating, but it sure would be fun to go back.  Especially since I wouldn’t be afraid to ask for help.


~ by theartistryofthebipolarbrain on January 31, 2012.

4 Responses to “Bad Girl!”

  1. I do think that you made an accurate connection between to do lists and getting in trouble as a child. And I think assignments would be a really good idea. At the very least it’s something new to try. Do you have a planner that you can take with you everywhere? Try writing down what you need to do in that. Also tell people that you trust and know can be on top of things that you have stuff due and when you need to get it done by. Hell, use your gmail calender and write reminders to yourself that will pop up the day something needs to be done. Also, try just giving yourself three assignments per day and see what happens. Don’t make them brushing your teeth, using deodorant and doing something with your hair. But three things that really need to get done that day. Asking for help in a classroom setting is great but remember that we’re here for you and you can ask us for help in daily life stuff too. Just like I don’t mind being your alarm clock when you need me to be, I have no problem with bothering you with reminders to do the stuff that you tell me needs to get done. You just have to let us know. Hugs. I know you’re doing the best you can and really that’s pretty great. If your best needs a little help then hey, that’s what friends are here for. So much would be solved if you could just move in with me though. Sigh. Someday soon hopefully. And you and Scott can both go to school since that’s what you’d both do with your lottery winnings. Me, I’m going to sit on my butt drinking green tea and popping out novels. Massive, massive hugs and loves.

    • I am thankful every day that I have people in my life that are willing to help me. Although it is incredibly hard for me to trust others, there are those people in my life that I have made the choice to trust. Even though it was very hard, I am a better person every day with these people in my life.

      Others who are going through situations similar (and different) to mine in their lives, and are having a hard time, need to take a look around to see if the people they call friends are contributing to the problem behaviorse, or helping them find alternatives. It is incredibly hard to make the decision to cut someone out of your life, either temporarily or permanently. In the long run, though, it might be the healthiest thing for a person to do. Then they need to actively look for people that will help and support them in the changes they are making. This is a terrifying concept. Reaching out and running the risk of getting hurt seems impossible sometimes. Especially when we have been hurt before. But when you reach out to someone else and get the stregth and support you need, then you begin to see the positive side of things. You begin to see a way out of the darkness to a place where everything might not be perfect, but it is a little better most of the time.

      And it doesn’t take an army to get you to that point. It takes one or two trusted people that you can rely on completely. The new people I meet here and try to help in their turn as they attempt to help me are all a great bonus!

  2. girlfriend, i’m a huge “to do list” kind of gal, but they also intimidate the heck out of me. staring at them, calculating exactly how many minutes are remaining to complete a particular line item, figuring exactly what the repercussions will be if the list is left “undone.” i do it. because i fear not being a perfectionist. (and yes, i know that i’m not writing in full sentences but rather as fragments, ha, #perfectionist).
    seriously, though? i find your thought stream to be excellent, and i’m adding you to my blog roll, right this very moment. way to earn rank. 😉 xxx

    • Thank you so much for the compliment and the add!

      I think that for some people, their perfectionist tendencies definitely work well with to-do lists. Although I am a perfectionist, mine tends to manifest in the opposite way. If I cannot do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all. Obviously, this line of thinking causes many problems for me. I work hard every day to remember that we all have our foibles and difficulties. I can get past this with a lot of perserverance and love.

      (One way my perfectionism does come out is that I have a serious grammar issue. My friends tease me that I am the grammar police. I have the hardest time remembering not to edit people’s comments!)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: