This is Why I Hate Sleep. Sometimes.

Let me start by saying that I don’t think I have nightmares, per se.  I do have some of the most disturbing dreams to me, though.

There are two types of disturbing dreams I have.  One: the people I know are there in very uncharacteristic situations and their responses are completely outside their standard responses.  This is disturbing to me because, like every other human on this planet, I want people to stay in their little boxes.  This morning, though, I woke up with number two:  I don’t know anyone in these dreams, but they tend to be extremely violent and I am stuck as an observer with no influence at all.  In this one, I was not only an observer, but I was being told all about what the person wanted to do to the current victim, knowing that I was unable to move and was the next victim.  Luckily, I woke up.

I have no idea why I have such disturbing dreams, I just know I do and they are not fun to deal with.  I also realized that these dreams, even though I have gotten plenty of sleep, drain me emotionally and physically.  Although I am lucky that I don’t have these dreams all that often, it is usually when I am on medication.  I will have to talk to my doctor about it since they seem to be increasing in frequency.  I do know that certain medications gave me blazing nightmares.  Just one more reason I hate taking sleeping pills.

So I prefer to sleep as much as I need.  Sometimes, though, that rude awakening exhausts me.

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~ by theartistryofthebipolarbrain on January 26, 2012.

3 Responses to “This is Why I Hate Sleep. Sometimes.”

  1. I can understand why feeling so helpless would be terrifying, especially with the knowledge that you may very well be next. Unlike some people that think that there are things to be learned from all dreams and it’s your subconscious expressing unmet desires, with these medication influenced or even induced dreams I believe that you have nothing to gain from trying to understand them. It seems like you can’t master them as is another way of dealing with unpleasant dreams where you take control of yourself in the dream and then change things to your liking.

    So I think that the best thing to would be to try to have a relatively pleasant day and talk to your doctor as soon as you can about getting on a less emotionally and physically invasive medication. Do something creative for yourself today to recharge your emotional state.

    To get you recharged we’d be having a meditate in nature day if I was there with you. Then some hot tea, a bit of painting and some writing time followed by cookies.

    Lots of hugs.

  2. i’m convinced that i trained myself to hate sleep. during anorexia, i’d dream about being hungry. during bulimia, i’d dream about bingeing. and then i’d awaken, upset, trying to purge with nothing to go. so now i just sleep about 3 to 4 hours daily, catching up with about 7 straight hours every fortnight or so. sleep is so overrated! x

    • I suffer from insomnia quite frequently anyway. Many people with Bipolar disorder have insomnia during the manic phase, some few duting the depressive phase, and lucky me gets it all of the time. Yay. (/sarcasm) Honestly, I don’t remember my dreams for the most part. Only when they are particularly vivid or disturbing do they truly impact me. My vivid dreams have been getting more frequent and the disturbing dreams as well.

      I am lucky, though. My body will shut down when it needs to and I will sleep 10 hours or so. Hopefully you are able to get more regular sleep soon.

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